A New Month

My life at the moment can be summed up by these fun little individual facts – 

  • It has been 54 days since I was made redundant
  • I have sent 107 job applications
  • I have completed 3 interviews
  • I have received 14 rejections emails
  • I have had emotional outburst
  • I have spent over 10 hours doing interview prep
  • We have taken 3 trips down south to move our things out of our old flat
  • I have started 1 new blog

So as the new month begins and I take stock of my life, I am struggling to feel positive. If I’m being honest, I feel like I’m failing over and over and over again. Each new rejection, each bad interview feels like another hit. It’s another knock to my confidence, another moment for me to have to pick myself up from. It’s a never-ending carousel of applications, job specs, cover letters, interviews, and knockbacks and I just want to get off and sit down for a bit. But I can’t. As Ellis Grey tells us, the carousel never stops turning (yes I am a HUGE Grey’s Anatomy fan!).

I sit in the interviews, professional shirt on, hair up. staring at the zoom screen, trying to remember all the different experiences and skills I am trying to demonstrate. 

Keep calm, keep your voice steady, don't play with your hands, smile, nod your head, remember the prep, don't appear negative, keep your head up, speak confidently.

But whilst I am sprouting what can only be described as verbal diarrhoea at the interviewer, watching them make futile notes as I try to convince them of something I am not even sure of anymore, all I want to do is scream at them ‘Please, give me a chance! I can do this! I just need to be given the chance!”

I just want to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. That there is an endpoint to all the s**t. That something is finally going to go right. Unfortunately, I just don’t see it. I don’t want to be a negative whiner, ranting away to any and all who will listen about how unfair she finds life. I don’t want to be that person. And yet, that’s the role I find myself in. 

So, I am here to ask, what do you all do to build your confidence? How do you brush off the negativity and keep going? Do you have any tips or tricks you could share? Lets come together on this, cause I think I need some guidance.



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