Last week I turned 37. Here’s a run down of the day.
$ spent on new hair = $99
$ spent on new makeup = $99
# of problems = it wasn’t 99 and a bitch wasn’t one. (pah, I’m hilarious! See what I did there…!)
# of new dresses purchased for birthday event = 1 (although 2 or 3 maybe slipped into the wardrobe as back ups)
# of pair of shoes worn = 2 (the wedges to flats strategy worked a treat. Wiser as well as older).
# of times I triple checked my appearance before leaving the flat to make sure I was at my hottest = a gazillion
# of times my heart jumped into my mouth at the prospect of bumping into Posh Boy = 6 or 7
# of times I nearly passed out with nerves as I went to meet PRP and Frosty the Snowman (her boyf) = 2
# of times I nearly passed out from severed circulation due to overzealous spanx = countless.
# of time my heart jumped into my mouth at the prospect of bumping into Posh Boy after I had finished my first glass of bubbles = 0
# of times I swept the crowd looking for Posh Boy = 0
# of glasses of bubbles consumed = unknown, maybe ask me how many bottles
# of bottles of bubbles consumed = I lost count after 3 (between 4 of us, although I have since been told we drank more than this). But I’d had a few ciders by then…
# of ciders drank = I think it’s fair to assume I was drinking a bottle every 30-45 mins.
# of sunburns = 0 – oh except for my poor head
# of branded parasols commandeered from the barman = at last count there were 5 under our table
# of branded wine glasses perfect for picnics commandeered and smuggled out quite discreetly in my beach canvas bag = 9. I blame Gym Bunny.
# of times since I’ve cursed Gym Bunny’s name and I play wine glass tetrus in my cupboard = countless
# of setting the world to rights conversations I had = 2. Poor Gym Bunny and WROS.
# of times I told my friends I loved them = I do believe the answer to this is in direct correlation to the number of bottles of bubbles consumed.
# of times I cursed wearing spanx = enough to never want to go there again.
# of times I unsuccessfully tried to get out of bed in the morning = 2
# of minutes it took to clean up the muesli I seemed to have thrown around the kitchen when I got home = 30 mins. I had to move very slowly.
# of minutes it took me to find my other shoe = 15 minutes. One was by the sofa the other was in the bath. Seems I washed my feet before I went to bed. I’m sensible like that.
That’s what turning 37 does to you.