Last night I dreamt I was playing with my kid sister in the back garden. For one reason or another I had to go into the bathroom to do a job. There was a leak in the bathroom. I had to stop it. Stop it from flooding the place even through it meant my nice new clothes were wet through.
This afternoon I sat at my desk, like I do most days, engrossed in the task at hand. Today’s task: finish all the content on the website. A tedious yet crucial task. Thank god the subject matter is interesting. Beautiful holiday destinations. Who knew there were so many destinations beginning with M: Macchu Picchu, Malaysia, Morocco, Maldives….
….I only got a sentence into the Maldives copy before I felt tears on my face. I was crying at my desk, remembering our amazing week in the Maldives. I thought I was going there with the man I’d spend the rest of my life with. I miss him so much it’s overwhelming. But now is not the time to let the floodgates open. I’m at work in a new job, trying to make a good impression, frantically wiping the tears from my face but not too quickly to draw attention to the fact I’m crying. They ask me why and I don’t want to tell them. I don’t want them to think I’m pathetically heartbroken at 36.
I plug the leak for the second time today. This time with wise words from PRP, a cup of detox tea and a body pump class. I’ll get home, eat and shower and then cry myself to sleep.
Then when I wake up, I will be fine again. Some leaks you just can’t stop.